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Oct. 16th, 2008 | 04:41 pm
Life is not like a tattoo. It didn't hurt when it happened, and it's a bittersweet hurt after it happened. And you don't regret it. I can't think of an anology for life, because it's unlike anything else.
Everything I've posted on here has been really depressing. Things are looking up, though. Actually, not really, but I've made the decision to just live and let live and not stress out so much. It's nice.
There's a boy, too. Nothing's happening, but I haven't like someone in a really long time. It's nice to have something to look forward too. I'm hoping it's going to go somewhere. He's so sweet and so fun. Ah, butterflies. I've always been the hopeless romantic type, but I've never been with anyone. He has a fuckbuddy, and I think she might be a problem. I'll take a bitch out, though. ^_^
Autumn is so pretty. Right now it's kind of cloudy outside, but the air is clear and you can just drink it in. It's amazing. And I can't wait for halloween. Hello, vampire teeth.
No one even reads this I don't think, but it's nice to get everything off my chest.
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I was putting my heart and soul on the line.
Aug. 28th, 2008 | 04:56 pm
You know what I want?
I want love.
And, the other day, I realized that love is actually too much to ask for. It's hard..being a teenager who doesn't fit in anywhere. I don't have a certain group or clique. Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't want that, but it still makes things complicated. Because no one who is in a clique will branch out. And if they do, do you know what they want? They want sex. Sex sex sex sex sex. I understand the need/want/desire, but I don't think anything should get in the way of morals.
I do have morals, which is why I'm still a virgin. If i didn't, I would have sex with anyone. But in my mind, before sex there needs to be love.
Some people don't believe in love. My best friend doesn't believe in love. I'm starting to sway toward her view. Slowly, all the hope I had in the world is disappearing. If I stop believing in love completely, I think I'll comit suicide, because what else is there to live for?
Nothing.
Nothing nothing nothing. God.
I love my family, I love my friends, but I want that other love. Is that selfish? Yeah. But I don't care. I am not a selfish person, but I want I want I want.
I guess I'll have to be patient. But for some reason I have this feeling that I'm going to die old and alone. I'd rather die young and alone because I don't want to have to go throughout life by myself. But, no. I will die old and alone.
Because I am shy, chubby, and expecting too much.
I want love.
And, the other day, I realized that love is actually too much to ask for. It's hard..being a teenager who doesn't fit in anywhere. I don't have a certain group or clique. Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't want that, but it still makes things complicated. Because no one who is in a clique will branch out. And if they do, do you know what they want? They want sex. Sex sex sex sex sex. I understand the need/want/desire, but I don't think anything should get in the way of morals.
I do have morals, which is why I'm still a virgin. If i didn't, I would have sex with anyone. But in my mind, before sex there needs to be love.
Some people don't believe in love. My best friend doesn't believe in love. I'm starting to sway toward her view. Slowly, all the hope I had in the world is disappearing. If I stop believing in love completely, I think I'll comit suicide, because what else is there to live for?
Nothing.
Nothing nothing nothing. God.
I love my family, I love my friends, but I want that other love. Is that selfish? Yeah. But I don't care. I am not a selfish person, but I want I want I want.
I guess I'll have to be patient. But for some reason I have this feeling that I'm going to die old and alone. I'd rather die young and alone because I don't want to have to go throughout life by myself. But, no. I will die old and alone.
Because I am shy, chubby, and expecting too much.
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Writer's Block: Invisibility On
Aug. 10th, 2008 | 08:02 pm
I'd sneak onto a plane to South Africa. It would use up almost all of my invisibility hours, but I don't care. It's far away from here and closer to where I want to be.
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just life
Jul. 31st, 2008 | 09:40 pm
mood: 
pensive
Life, like everything else in this world, has it's ups and downs. "Who are you to judge the life I lead?" Right now, I feel like I am at the bottom. Problems can be suffocating sometimes, and tonight is one of those nights where I either die here because of lack of oxygen or I get out and breathe in the sounds, noises, feelings of the outside world. Parents: screaming. Sister: sleeping. Best friend: 20 minutes away with parents who I don't want to be around either. So, what do I do? I think I'll go driving. I've only had my license for two days, but already I don't know how I lived without it. That little, shiny piece of plastic is like my own personal slice of heaven. It's my golden ticket out of this place. And my baby. Oh, my baby jeep wrangler can take me anywhere I want to go. Right now I'm just waiting. Waiting for my parents to fall asleep so they won't know I'm gone. Waiting for high school to finish so I can get out of the house. Waiting for a college degree that will allow me to fulfill my dreams of a never-ending trip around the most beautiful parts of the world.
I hear my dad again now. There's a difference between sober yelling and drunk yelling. At least sober yelling makes sense. You can always tell when he's had some of his poison because he blames her for everything wrong in our lives. Lack of money is the biggest problem right now. Honestly, I couldn't care less about money. It tears people down and causes friction between those who have it and those who don't. God, I wish the screaming would stop.
But it will, one day.
I know everyone has their problems, and I don't want any pity for mine. There are people dying in the world and all I'm dealing with is parents who don't get along. I know I'll live through this; I just get tired of it sometimes. Just being around unhappiness can take a toll on a person, but I was born to be a happy person and that is how I will live my life.
I hear my dad again now. There's a difference between sober yelling and drunk yelling. At least sober yelling makes sense. You can always tell when he's had some of his poison because he blames her for everything wrong in our lives. Lack of money is the biggest problem right now. Honestly, I couldn't care less about money. It tears people down and causes friction between those who have it and those who don't. God, I wish the screaming would stop.
But it will, one day.
I know everyone has their problems, and I don't want any pity for mine. There are people dying in the world and all I'm dealing with is parents who don't get along. I know I'll live through this; I just get tired of it sometimes. Just being around unhappiness can take a toll on a person, but I was born to be a happy person and that is how I will live my life.